RESEARCHERS DISCOVER WAYS TO LIVE LONGER

The latest science suggests the best way to improve long-term health isn’t physical, but social

Strengthening relationship ties by exercising what experts call “social fitness” is the most influential brain and body hack. Like weight training staves off bone density loss as you age, social fitness counters the downstream effects of chronic stress.

If you regularly feel isolated and lonely, it can be as dangerous as smoking half a pack of cigarettes a day or being obese.

But even though humans are wired to connect, exercising social fitness can be tricky. There’s no clear roadmap for a solid social life.

WHAT IS SOCIAL FITNESS?

Scientists have been studying humans’ social psychology in formal labs and universities for over a century, but the idea of flexing your “social muscle,” like you would a bicep or quad, didn’t emerge until 2011 via a social fitness training program with the U.S. military. The team found that social fitness exercises such as doing someone a favor or practicing conflict resolution reduced loneliness and boosted well-being in soldiers.

When you lose emotional and social fitness, you lose everything. Everything in life is going to feel better if you feel connected to other people to get through the tough things and enjoy the good things.

A SOCIAL CURE

To combat widespread loneliness and reap the positive benefits of social connection, it may seem like we’re all supposed to be extroverts or party animals. That’s a common misconception.

Humans are social creatures, but we’re not all social butterflies. Loneliness is a subjective experience. It’s not about the quantity of friends or family you have, but how fulfilling those relationships feel. The antidote to loneliness for some may entail a vast social network, while a few close relationships work for others.

MAP YOUR SOCIAL UNIVERSE

To kick start social fitness, start with self-reflection. Like completing a basic strength training circuit to pinpoint weak muscle groups, the following mental exercises can reveal your shaky social muscles. First, in a journal or notes app, outline how you are devoting your time weekly, and to who. Then ask yourself: What am I giving and what am I receiving? Am I having enough fun with loved ones? Am I getting enough emotional support?

BUILD A ROUTINE

A great way to level up—and maintain—healthy relationships is by scheduling regular contact, virtual or in-person. Pencil in a weekly coffee date with a mentor or plan a monthly Zoom call with high school friends. Remove some of the logistical barriers that make connecting feel like a chore. There’s no exact rep of weekly social interactions to hit. For some, one or two a week will suffice, while others may want to schedule daily opportunities for connection. Reflecting on how these interactions make you feel—energized or drained—can help you find your sweet spot.

CREATE NEW CONNECTIONS

One exercise to keep your social muscles in good shape is by expanding your network. But making friends in adulthood isn’t as easy as it once was on the playground or soccer pitch. A surefire way to connect with someone new? Get involved in something you care about. If you love cross country skiing in winter, join a local club. If you enjoy getting your hands dirty outside, volunteer at a local community garden. These activities provide an immediate conversation starter with those who have similar interests. If you’re worried that no one would enjoy your company, volunteer your time to those who may be lonely like the elderly. Forging new connections at an older age may feel impossible—like running a marathon after years spent jogging 5Ks—but the effort leads to major benefits. Friendship shapes mental health and in turn, our physical well-being.